Wednesday, December 30, 2009

It's over already

Gosh, so Christmas 2009 is over already?

I took down the tree and the decorations yesterday. The tree was all dried up anyway - that's no surprise here in Arizona.

We took down the outside Christmas lights like 4 days before actual Christmas because we decided to paint our house then. Hmm, great idea. Although, the house looks really nice and looks like it belongs on the beach somewhere with its peachy hues.

So, I thought yesterday was a good day to take the rest down. Yesterday I had a strong nesting push. I scrubbed one of the bathrooms, picked up dog poop, cleaned up the front yard, did some more painting, unloaded the dishwasher - it was great to get all that stuff done. Painting is hard though with the little dude around. He wants to get up on the ladders too. But, he is too cute because whenever I am up on a ladder he always says "careful mommy!" My heart melts every time he says that!

I have been so out of energy lately, I really just don't want to go to the gym at all. The only reason I really want to go is so that Brannan can play with other kids and kindof get him out of the house. I think we will hit the mall this afternoon so he can play at the indoor play area they have there. He really likes it there, so that should be fun.

Anyway, Christmas was great. My sister was here and she and my parents totally spoiled Brannan. Oh, and his grandma from Florida spoiled him too. She mailed him a lot of presents that we opened at our house on the morning before we went to my parents house. He got so much stuff, but I think my parents are giving him a "last Christmas" before the baby gets here - one all for himself. But, the baby won't really know Christmas anyway for a couple of years. I'm not really sure even Brannan understands Christmas. We aren't religious, so we don't celebrate the birth of that magic dude or the death or whatever Christmas means in religion. We just put up pretty lights and a tree and have presents and a party and a big dinner. That's about it. Oh, and Santa. He will definitely know about Santa next year. He won't know about baby jebus, that's for sure.

But, now it is almost time for the new year. I can't believe it is already here. The time has just flown right by. This next holiday will be the hardest one for me to get through without drinking. It is my most favorite holiday of the year. And, I can't drink!


Ok, maybe one glass of wine?

Maybe my hband will let me open one of our good bottles of wine and I can have a nice glass of the Babcock wine. Yum.

So, tomorrow is New Years Eve. My favorite holiday.

I rememeber, one of my most favorite years, we were in Montana with Lee and Sandi and we did "shots around the world." We watched the countdown on tv, wore silly costumes and did shots every time it turned midnight in other parts of the world. It was such a good time. Then we went walking in the snow after midnight to a party in a basement where I started to lose time and events.

Now we all have kids and responsibilities and have to get up before 9am to tend to those things. We probably won't be staying up until 3 or 4am this year. Maybe next year.

Monday, December 21, 2009


I remember my plane landing as I moved back home from Alaska.

The tires hit the tarmac at Sky Harbor and I cried. I was crying a lot those days because the person who I was most connected to had cheated and lied to me. Then I had to pack up my whole life, make altering decisions and move back home. Well, I didn't "have" to, but I thought it was the wisest decision. Looking back on it, it was the best decision. Since I came back home, I had some of the funnest years of my life, met, dated and married my current husband and had a little boy and have another on the way. But, those dark days in Alaska were hard on me. I had to decide quickly what to do.

After finally deciding to come back home, I had to make all sorts of arrangements. I had to ship my truck home, I had to mail all my important momentos home, I had to sell everything I owned so I could get rid of it (there was NO way I was going to let him keep my couch and my sea kayak and anything else I could think of).

There were a lot of tears. I called my mom practically every day in tears from work. I called her work because she has an 800 number and she is always at her desk. I'm sure my supervisor at work thought I was nuts. I worked in the classified department at the newspaper, so they could click in and listen to my calls at any time. But, when I finally decided to leave, my supervisor was more than supportive of my decision. I can't remember her name to this day, but I remember her being like a mom. It makes me tear up right now thinking about how supportive she was. I wish I knew her so I could send her a thank-you letter. She probably wouldn't remember me, but, hey, it would be nice.

Anyway, one day I was taking classified ads and I got a call in for a house for rent. It was perfect. It was really close to downtown, it had a little yard (for Leia), it had 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and was just in my budget - I think it was around $500/month. I almost didn't want to publish the ad because I wanted that house. I spoke to the woman placing the ad on the phone and she said I could come and look at it. I went to look at it and thought it was perfect. I really wanted it. I thought I could live in my own house with my dog and work two jobs and be happy. But, I also thought, that if I stayed in that town, I would forever be pursuing something that I couldn't have. I had a REALLY hard time deciding on whether or not to stay or leave.

I had a few friends from work and from college that moved up there. I knew a couple who had a dog that went to college with me. I knew they were living in an apartment and wanted to get out. So, I told them about the best rental place in Anchorage. They were stoked! They took the place sight unseen. They were super nice to me for giving them the lead. They let me stay in their empty apartment the few nights before I left town with my dog and my belongings. They made me dinner one night in their new little home. It was nice. I was glad to have helped. But, then, as I saw them making their lives in the new little home, I was a little jealous and wondered if I had made the right decision. It was too late. I had to go back to Arizona.

The night that I was to fly home, I crammed everything I was going to fly with into a little rental car with a hatchback. It was really hard getting all the luggage and the gigantic dog crate into that little car. Poor little Leia didn't know what she was getting in to. We got to the cargo area where I was supposed to drop off the dog and they asked for her important papers (rabies vaccinations and whatnot). And, I SWEAR, I called the airlines a week before my trip making sure I had all the documents needed to get her on the plane and I did. When I got to the cargo area, they said I didn't. Holy fuck! I was screwed! I was going to miss my flight, I was NOT going to leave my dog in that godforsakenplace either. Luckily, the cargo people were super nice (all this was before 9-11) and they told me of a 24-hour vet where I could get the proper papers.

So, I crammed everything back into my little rental car, SPED on snowy dark roads all around Anchorage, cried at the counter of the 24-hour vet, they expeditied my appointment, I sped back to the airport, and finally got her on the plane. I then had to drop off my rental car, get all my crap to the airport and get on the flight.

It was hard. I was depressed and crying and worried about Leia and drinking while I was trying to get all this done. I don't know why I was drinking, I had so much adrenaline in my system it sort of cancelled it out and just made me have to pee a lot.

Anyway, all was well, I got on the plane, laid-over in Seattle, got back to sunny Arizona in mid-morning and cried when the tires hit the tarmac.

The rest, as they say, is history.

But, I'm going to try to document some of it! ;)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Well, my birthday turned out to be a little fun. Nothing too special. We had Byron's work holiday party to go to. I got a cool henna tattoo on my hand. It is still there and it has almost been a week now. He won a box of chocolates. I'm sure he would've wanted something else, but hey, it is better than nothing. I thought I looked really nice in my nice new red coat. I bought that for my birthday for myself. It is really nice. It is 3/4 length wool. I like the collar best. And the huge red buttons.

Oh, and I actually got to go out and get my hair "done" for the party. It was pretty funny because I went to Great Clips. They only charged me $11 for a blow out and a curl up. I really thought it looked nice. So, then I come home and there is an envelope on the table. I asked Byron what it was for and he just shrugged his shoulders. I didn't recognize the return label and wasn't expecting anything, so I opened it and lo and behold - I won the "free haircut for a year" from Great Clips!!! It is a card worth $100! Holy crap! I didn't even remember entering the contest either! But, hey, that is super cool and it will come in handy when I feel like I need a little something special for myself. I was so stoked. That was a great birthday present.

Then, the other present I got from my husband was an hour-long massage. That was on Saturday. I was so looking forward to just laying on my stomach for a whole hour while someone massaged my back. So, the appointment comes, I show up and the therapist asks me what's new. I say, "oh, not much, and I'm not sure my husband told you when he made the appointment, but I'm pregnant." She said "oh dear, I am going to have to adjust the table and pull out the other pillows because now I have to give you a prenatal massage." I said, "no, don't worry, you can just do the normal massage. I am only 14 weeks and I still sleep on my stomach, it is totally fine." And she just said, "no, I would feel better about it, and plus, you ARE pregnant, so I need to do this."

I understood because there is probably some sort of law or something that would prohibit her from giving me a regular massage. I was just a little bummed that I couldn't do the regular thing.

Anyway, I found out my girlfriend in NH is pregnant too. We are due just about the same time. It is really cool because I have been talking to her a lot on email. It is pretty much the only way we communicate. We don't do the phone. I don't know why. I just feel weird on the phone with people. I feel like I run out of things to say. But, when I am writing, I can just spill it all out. And when I am re-reading it in my head, it actually sounds good. But, I feel like we have been a lot closer now that we are sharing this pregnancy bond together. She had a really rough time with her birth last time. I guess she tore a lot and when she was sewn back up, they didn't do a very good job with it. Poor thing. I feel bad for her. But, it has been a few years now and I just keep telling her that this time will be a lot better and hopefully different.

Brannan and I went out to lunch today at Oregano's. It was nice but I realized that I was a little lonely. We were sitting out on the porch area and he was being a really good boy and all, but it was such a gorgeous day out, I really wish I had a good girlfriend or someone else to share it with in addition to my 2-year old. Although he is good at conversation now, he isn't the best, if you know what I mean.

Otherwise, I have another doctor's appointment on Thursday. Not sure what they are going to do to me this time. I have had all the genetic testing done so far. Maybe it will just be a standard check up.

Will keep you posted.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

last day

It is the last day before I turn 35.

I never dreamed it would be like this.

The day part was good. Went to yoga, went to the grocery store, went to Target. Then came home, cooked and took a shower. By the time the boy woke up it was already 3!

This evening took a drastic downturn.

I'm frustrated with dealing with a toddler, have a huge backache, have total horomones running through me, am frustrated with husband, have been dreaming about exes, have been wishing I could have a gigantic alcoholic beverage, frustrated again, angry at nothing but toddler things and all-in-all, just a depressive lame-o.

Sucko huh?

I didn't want my last day of 34 to be like this.

Although I am thankful I am pregnant since I have been wishing for this for quite some time, I am frustrated too. I am tired all the time and hungry and have lost all patience with the increase in tummy. Is that possible?

The dirty chili pot is in the sink and the red water is making a wonderful pattern.

I just want to sleep, uninterrupted, for like 12 hours straight.

It doesn't help that we are dogsitting two neurotic dogs either.


Tomorrow will be better.

35 means changing my attitude.

Hello mid-life!

Wow, that's scary.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Butter Bean

Hey little Butter Bean.

I saw you today!

I saw you jump too!

It was pretty cool.

I wish your Daddy was there to see it. Unfortunately he had to work. I think he will come to the next appointment if he can make it.

We are waiting for you, little Butter Bean. I know you are going to be as cute and as smart as your big brother is. I just know it.