Friday, February 29, 2008

Swollen

So, I woke up this morning with super, duper swollen eyes. See, when I cry a good cry before I go to bed, my eyes swell up like someone punched me in my sleep. Why I was crying? Well, I attempted to really force the idea that I want to be a SAHM, but it seems "we can't do it" on his income alone. I don't understand. I mean, we only have one car payment, one rinky-dinky house and some bills here and there. We aren't really in debt, well, except for the huge student loan that seems to go on forever and ever. I really tried hard to get the point across how guilty I feel for putting the little guy into daycare, and I just started crying. I mean, one of the girls at daycare tells me stories of how they see babies first steps, but they don't want to tell the parents because then they'll be upset they missed it.

I'll be upset if I miss those first steps - that's a huge milestone! Like turning over!

I just kept crying and crying - I'm not sure if I made an impression or if I just looked like a fool. I told him I feel like a failure as a mommy for taking him to that place everyday.

But, in the end, it's still the same - business as usual.

And I'm still sad. Sad for Monday when I have to drop him off again at that place.

But happy that it's Friday and I can spend all weekend with him! Until Monday....

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I would have prefered daycare to my mother in laws gloating that she got to see some milestones first (she watched my kids as infants). I got to see both my kids steps at home after bad days at work.